About Marc Zola LMFT

ONLINE COUPLES COUNSELING · Seattle, WA

Stop the same fight: one of you pursues, one pulls away

Most couples don’t have a communication problem. They’re caught in a painful repeating pattern. One partner keeps reaching for connection while the other pulls away. Both end up feeling alone and misunderstood. Until that pattern changes, nothing else really does.

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or Call ‪(206) 880-0592‬

  • Stop the cycle — not just the argument
  • Understand why the same fight keeps happening
  • Work exclusively with a couples specialist
As seen in: HuffPost · Bustle · Guilford Press · The Street · The List · Romper · Psychology Today

100% Couples Specialty

Marc’s practice is completely dedicated to improving relationships by helping couples discover the hidden patterns that are leading to distance, resentment, loneliness and a lack of intimacy.

Primary specialty

Helping couples transform relationships

Marc provides a structured, feedback-driven approach that helps couples identify the interaction patterns driving conflict — and replace them with new ones.

6–8

Sessions to see real change

22

Years of couples work

AAMFT

Clinical Fellow

  • HIPAA-secure video sessions
  • Couples only— not a general practice
  • Most couples get clarity in the first session
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01

We find the pattern

In the first session, Marc listens beneath the content of your arguments. By the end, he shares a working hypothesis about what’s keeping you stuck — likely the clearest thing you’ve been told about your relationship.

You leave with clarity

02

You understand why

Once you see how your early experiences shaped your current reactions, blame gives way to curiosity. You stop fighting each other and start working on the pattern together.

Blame becomes curiosity

03

The cycle breaks

With the pattern named, you have a new language. The question stops being “What’s wrong with you?” and becomes “Oh — are we doing the dance again?” You can catch it and redirect it. On your own.

Tools you keep forever

WHAT TO EXPECT

Here’s what actually happens in session

Before the session

You and your partner fill out a brief, electronic intake form. That’s it. No lengthy questionnaires, no homework. Just show up on the same screen.

Session 1 — he listens differently

Marc isn’t going to re-litigate your last argument. He’s listening for the structure underneath it — the pattern, not the content. By the end of that first session, he’ll usually share a working hypothesis about what’s keeping you stuck. Most couples say it’s the clearest thing anyone has ever said to them about their relationship.

Sessions 2 through 4 — the pattern gets named

Once you can see it, you stop experiencing it as a character flaw in your partner. Blame starts to give way to curiosity. The fighting doesn’t disappear, but it begins to feel different — smaller, less personal, more like something you’re dealing with together.

Sessions 5 through 8 — you build new tools

You develop a shared language for what’s happening in real time. When the cycle starts, you can catch it — and redirect it. On your own. That’s the goal: not indefinite therapy, but a framework you keep after the work is done.

After — you keep what you built

Most couples wrap up in 6–8 sessions with a clear understanding of their pattern and real tools to interrupt it. Some come back occasionally when life brings new stressors. Either way, you leave with something concrete.

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is this a familiar pattern?

The same fight, a different day

You’ve had the same argument so many times you could script both sides of it. One of you reaches for connection — wanting to talk, to resolve, to feel close. The other pulls away — needing space, quiet, time to think. The first person pursues harder. The second disappears further. By the end, you’re both exhausted and more alone than when it started.

“Most couples who come to therapy believe they have a fundamental incompatibility. Different values. Different needs. Just wrong for each other. What they actually have is a pattern. The relationship isn’t broken. It’s caught in a repeating cycle that most couples never have named for them. That’s exactly what we’ll do in the first session.”

— Marc Zola, LMFT · Author of The Intimacy Paradox

Rising tension

When tension rises, one of you moves toward connection — pushing to talk it through, to resolve it, to feel close again. The other moves toward space — going quiet, needing time, shutting down until the storm passes.

Opposing styles

But they collide. Every time. And when they do, you stop seeing a pattern and start seeing a villain.

Developed long ago

Both strategies make complete sense. Both came from somewhere real — from how each of you learned, early in life, to feel safe.

See the pattern, create change

Once you see the pattern, everything changes.

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Have you both become conflict avoidant?

  • Sometimes things are subtle. You’ve stopped fighting. You’re polite. Functional. You parent together and manage the household and move through your days side by side. But the closeness you used to have has quietly drained away, and neither of you is sure when it happened or how to get it back.

About Marc Zola, LMFT

Marc Zola, LMFT has spent 22 years helping couples understand the patterns keeping them stuck and build stronger, more connected relationships. He is an AAMFT Clinical Fellow, a former psychotherapy instructor at the graduate level, and the Founder Emeritus of one of the premier mental health practices in the Pacific Northwest. He works exclusively with couples — no individual therapy, no general practice.

Marc’s approach is direct and time-limited, built around one commitment: identifying the specific pattern driving conflict and giving couples a framework to change it, rather than years of open-ended exploration. Marc sees clients throughout Washington State via secure online video sessions.

Frequently Asked Questions


A: Marc Zola, LMFT is licensed in Washington State and sees clients throughout the state — including Seattle, Bellevue, Redmond, Kirkland, and surrounding areas. All sessions are conducted online.

A: Yes — research consistently shows that telehealth couples therapy produces outcomes equivalent to in-person work. The research matters less than the fit between therapist and couple. If the approach resonates, the medium won’t get in the way.

A: Most couples Marc works with notice a measurable shift within 6–8 sessions. That doesn’t mean the work is done — but something real has changed. The full arc depends on how long the pattern has been running and how willing both partners are to see their part in it. Marc doesn’t believe in indefinite therapy. The goal is to give you tools you can use on your own.

A: It’s one of the most common patterns in couples — and one of the most exhausting. When tension rises, one partner moves toward connection (the Pursuer) while the other moves toward space (the Distancer). Both strategies make sense. Both came from early experiences of what it meant to feel safe. But they collide in ways that leave both partners feeling alone. Once couples can see and name this dynamic, it loses much of its power.

A: Marc works with private pay clients at $250 per session. Many clients find that focused, time-limited work with the right therapist is more cost-effective than months of open-ended therapy covered by insurance. Marc provides superbills for clients who want to seek out-of-network reimbursement — depending on your plan, insurers often reimburse a significant portion of the fee.

Ready to Name What’s Actually Happening?

Most couples wait longer than they should. Not because they don’t care — but because they’re not sure where to start, or whether it will actually help.

Schedule a first session. Marc will hear what’s happening, make an initial assessment and share whether he thinks he can help. If it’s a good fit, you’ll go from there. If it isn’t, he’ll say so honestly — and point you toward someone who might be a better match.

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